Yes, I have left Ben.
Yes, it had to happen; there had been a fundamental schism in what we both needed since the very beginning, and in the last year and a half it was driving me mad with pain and, for the last six months, I was barely sleeping, barely eating, crying every night and only truly happy and able to relax when I was away from him.
Yes, it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make.
Yes, my heart is breaking.
Yes, I am leaving town today and will be in Canberra as of this evening.
Yes, if he walked back in now and asked me to, I would recant my decision in an instant, so I'm glad he won't.
No, I don't want to talk about it.
Yes, I would like some Goddamn beer with anyone who's free and around, tonight.

It was a low key Christmas this year and one of the best. I'm sitting in my best friend's living room borrowing a laptop to write this, sitting by a fire merrily burning in the fire place. We are back from a Boxing Day party that was full of good people and food. Christmas itself was so low key as to almost not be worth noting except that I spent time with my blood family and the family of my heart. The only part I missed was my boyfriend. Had he been here to share it with me, it would have been perfect.

A friend of mine noted that Christmas is better for adults than it is for kids. I always used to think that it was the other way around, but this year I know it's true. When I was a kid, I never felt this *content* at Christmas.

Tomorrow is another day away from work, then another three day week for me. I intend to dance my way through New Years.

To all of my friends, family, and friends who are family: All my love, always.